I would have never put the two together, until this morning.
I was watching an episode from Season 3 and started noticing how, in each season, he has let someone in to his secret world. I couldn’t understand why. Then as I thought about it, I remembered phrases he would think during the seasons and how it made sense.
Not that what I do is in any way related to the character of Dexter Morgan. I mean, it isn’t fictional, I don’t kill people, I’m not a splatter analyzer….I’m not a lot of what he is, but I do have a side of me that not nearly enough people get to see. It is a side of me that could cause harm to me depending upon the reaction of someone knowing, it can cause you to lose your job, your family, your friends and the thing with double lives is that the other life knows what it wants. It wants to be free. It wants to live. It wants to be heard. It wants to be seen.
Within each season, when Dexter is about to tell someone, to introduce them to his inner demon, he gets so excited about finding that one other person that knows what he is going through. Finding that person that will understand and completely ‘get’ what he does. That is when it makes sense.
Every time I have told someone about my other self, my true self, and what I want the journey to become, the weight is totally lifted and lighter than it was before. To date, I have only had one bad reaction to what I told to friends, and for that, I am thankful. Being accepted and encouraged from 99% of your good friends is a pretty good margin. I have, like I said, the one friend who did not take it well and tried to get others to her side. They all stood by me and support whatever end this journey leads toward. When family members have been told, they, too, have been accepting and excited for me. Of course, the family members that know are the ones that I knew could handle it. THe ones I know will have issues still do not know.
I love to tell others. I want to be 100% open and out. I am almost there. I would say I am about 85-90%. When I reach the 100% mark, it will be time to transition. It is coming. I feel it. The only real issue at this point is funds. Almost 2 years with no job has made that goal slide to the back, just slightly. It is still there, simmering, waiting to come to a full boil and be served up to the world.