And within an instance, so much changes…..

I was amazed by the hours that followed my last entry.  Simply amazed.

My wife and I had planned for a nice evening out this past Saturday.  We had run to an antique mall in Centerville, Indiana (widely disappointing) and came home to get ready for our date.

We kept with our plans to go to BELLA AVANTE, a great little Italian place tucked away on a side road.  Quite an enjoyment for Muncie, which has chain after chain after chain.

After ordering and having some light conversation, my wife began the serious discussion of the evening, centering around my transness. (is that even a word?  I guess it is now)

I wasn’t sure, exactly, where the conversation would lead, but thought I was prepared for whatever was coming.  I must confess, I was not.

I know that I just sent your mind in the direction of a split and tears flowing, but I assure you it was quite the opposite.

We spoke of our history together. Our 22 years together and our 20 years of marriage.  Our ups and downs and how we have survived them all.  Things that would have destroyed other couples.  At the base of it all is our love and friendship.  It is a pretty awesome thing to be married to your friend.

As the conversation continued we spoke about how feminine I have become, without hormones or trying.  Even when not presenting as Jenn, I am usually addressed as Ma’am, miss and lady. (I can do without the ma’am…makes me feel old….45 isn’t old, right?).  We talked for well over 90 minutes, something we haven’t done to that degree in some time. She told me that she was never going to leave me, even when I transitioned, and that we would cross those bridges as they approached.  There was no need to speculate and worry about a situation that may not arise.

I told her that I fully intended to transition and the only real thing holding me back was lack of employment/money.  We continued.  We did end up talking, hypothetically, about life after transitioning and how the physical relationship would change.  This may be a little in the realm of TMI, but here it goes.  The emotional love will always be there, we both agree, but the physical transformation that will take place would change the physicality of the relationship.  We discussed the options at that point.  She is not a lesbian and has no desire to have a sexual relationship with another woman, but given that the other woman would be me, she wanted to throw out some options.  One would be an open relationship.  One that would allow a physical relationship with another person while maintaining a loving and emotional relationship with each other.  If I were to decide that I needed a physical relationship with a man, that would also be part of the openness.  The second would involve the use of external devices that would allow us both to “enjoy” the physical aspect of a relationship.  At the end of it all, we did decide that we would cross that bridge when we came to it.  Who knows, it may be that we enjoy the physical changes.

She spoke about how much she supported whatever I chose and wherever it led.  Tears flowed as she said how great it was to be out dining and talking with her best girl friend.  She spoke about how happy I am when I am Jenn and how open to discussion I am.  She knows that the change has already begun and we talked about getting hold of our old doctor (a great guy who became head of education at the hospital, and moving away from practice) about finding out who he would suggest as a doctor and therapist for my transgender journey.  We talked about beginning hormone therapy as soon as we are able.

We left feeling renewed and energized at the layers we were able to peel away.  No matter what the situation, discussion and conversation is essential to the survival of any relationship.

We left with the journey to self realization beginning, slowly at first, but one that will accelerate faster than either of us can comprehend.  Buckle up, it could be a bumpy ride, but one that the full disclosure of open conversation can help smooth.

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About Jennifer

She grew up in an Indiana town Had a good-lookin' mama who never was around But she grew up tall and she grew up right With them Indiana boys on them Indiana nights Well, there are partial truths above. Being from Indiana, I did grow up in an Indiana town. I did not have a good lookin mama, but she was always around.'I did not grow up tall, but I suppose I grew up right. I spent lots of time with Indiana boys on Indiana nights. It's because I was one. Still am in some ways. Certainly not in others. My transitional journey has begun. Goodbye to my male self and hello to this wonderfully feminine world in which I was meant to live. At the age of 45, I am beginning my true journey to self and home.
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6 Responses to And within an instance, so much changes…..

  1. Glad you were able to have an open and honest conversation about everything! When those moments happen with my partner, I truly cherish them.

    • Jennifer says:

      Thank you so much, Alex. It was such an important talk we had. We have a lot of them, but this one broke through to our very soul. As you can tell from the previous post, I that she would be leaving. I guess she still might, really, but we are beyond that at the moment.

      As I change, I am sure the relationship will also change, but so will she. We may well evolve far past what we are seeing now, trying to look into the future.

  2. Daniel says:

    That is absolutely amazing!! Thank you for sharing. You have found someone who truly loves you, and accepts you as you are without wanting you to change – what more could anyone ask for?

    • Jennifer says:

      Thank you, Daniel. It was such an amazing conversation and so much was worked out to a great end.

      I have always known how great she is, and this solidified that even more. I have always chosen friends carefully, and I think almost all of them will stay through the transition. New friends have climbed aboard for this journey and have offered their full support. I am never ceased to be amazed by that, and the fact that all of this is within the confines of a small city in Indiana.

  3. Since you friended me on FB, I’d been wondering how your other half had been reacting. I’m so glad to see that she fulfilled all my expectations of her awesomeness. I’m so glad that you two crazy kids have each other. Not too bad for getting married after work one day; I wonder if the library betting pool included this!

  4. Jennifer says:

    LOL!!! Not sure. I think this is why they bet against us in the first place.

    Her awesomeness can no longer be measured. Just saying. She is more than I could ever hope for or ever hope to be as a woman, myself.

    Just so you know, you and “your other” are missed on a daily basis. We love you two so much. Not sure we ever really said that. 🙂

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