Who has it easier, really, when it comes to transitioning?

Battle lines have been drawn.

Sides have been taken.

Theories have been stated.

I have heard, from different sources, that F2M transitioning is easier than M2F.  I’m not sure I buy into that, totally.

At some points I feel that it might be marginally easier.  Since society is ok with women with short hair and wearing “male” clothing, such as pants and non frilly shirts, etc…  Society has not really come very far for a man to wear “female” clothing.  Of course, there are those of us that tell society to piss off and wear what we like, but, as blurring as the lines are for my mode of dress as a “male” (I wear leggings and the likes all the time) I have yet to go out in my male lie wearing a skirt or dress.  Society gets rather violently hateful when a man does such a thing.

Now, believe me, I am NOT saying that F2Ms have it easy whatsoever.  When I began writing this entry a couple days ago, I really didn’t know too many.  There is Jacob, who writes at Journey To Me, where I have learned a lot about the flip side of the transgender coin.  There is Marcus, whom I met a few years ago, briefly, and now works at a local restaurant in town.  As of last evening, I know a few more.

I attended a Trans Social at Ball State University.  It was put on by SPECTRUM, the LGBTQ organization on campus. For a group of young people (I am more than double some of their ages-yikes!) they did a pretty good job of putting together an information session for those wishing to know more.  Hosted by a young man named Lucas, I was actually shocked when he said that he was a F2M and had been on hormones for just over 8 months.  I would have never known.  He also shared one aspect that I never thought about, really.

For me, going into a restroom will be determined by how I am dressed (and if I can’t hold it any longer….about 8 hours max for me).  I don’t care what anyone says, I am not going to the men’s restroom when I am presenting as Jenn.  Not going to happen.  One, I feel I am fairly passable and the social greetings in a restroom setting aren’t full of carrying on conversations.  I would go in, close the stall, wash up and leave.  Then Lucas mentioned the one thing that I never really noticed.  A lot of men’s restrooms either have no stalls at all, or the stalls have no doors (except for the really scary one at the far end of the restroom, usually handicapped accessible and kind of the dirtiest one in the place).  Really, I hadn’t thought about that at all.  It becomes common place when that is all you see.

I think that the ONLY real difference is the manner of dress.  An F2M can pass as a feminine guy (not that you want to, but society sees what it wants and that is a comfortable label for them).  There are men with higher voices, softer walks, caring attitudes and a keen sense of style.  There are fewer masculine looking (and sounding) women.  Very few women have an adam’s apple.

I look at every transgender person, young or old, with great respect.  To take action for what one knows to be the right thing, regardless of what those around them are saying, takes great courage.  I am amazed at the parents who are supporting their young transgender children.  I cry for those who do not have that love and support.  At 45, I still have said nothing to my parents about how I feel.  About who I am.  I do know the outcome, which is why it has been buried around them.  When you come from a church that hates (not as bad as Westboro, but probably pretty close), you know how your parents will react.  Well, my mom.  My dad would probably be one of those who doesn’t agree with my actions but will love me because I am his child.  My mom is very black and white.  I sometimes cry for myself, that my parents will never know their lovely, caring daughter.

It is not easy being transgender, regardless of where you are categorized.  It is an education we need to pass along to others, both within our own community and to the general public.  Remember, the public’s view of trans people are what the right wingers get out there and what they’ve seen on Springer.  That is NOT who we are.  The greatest achievement thus far has got to be Candis Cayne and Chaz Bono.  Candis is beautiful and Chaz is handsome, not that THAT is what makes us who we are, but they are positive examples of where we are. Positive examples of how far we’ve come and, sadly, reminders of how far we have yet to go.

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About Jennifer

She grew up in an Indiana town Had a good-lookin' mama who never was around But she grew up tall and she grew up right With them Indiana boys on them Indiana nights Well, there are partial truths above. Being from Indiana, I did grow up in an Indiana town. I did not have a good lookin mama, but she was always around.'I did not grow up tall, but I suppose I grew up right. I spent lots of time with Indiana boys on Indiana nights. It's because I was one. Still am in some ways. Certainly not in others. My transitional journey has begun. Goodbye to my male self and hello to this wonderfully feminine world in which I was meant to live. At the age of 45, I am beginning my true journey to self and home.
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4 Responses to Who has it easier, really, when it comes to transitioning?

  1. MJ says:

    Great blog. I, too, look at those in the transgender community with great respect. It takes courage beyond what most of us will ever have to muster. Kudos! 🙂

  2. Jennifer says:

    Thank you, MJ. 😉 It’s not a path anyone should HAVE to walk but walk it we must. Hen to have some of those close to us, hate us for no longer living the lie we have lived for so long.

    I am glad to have the friends I do. They are almost closer than family. They are my chosen family and they rock!

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