With the Wonder Woman costume and Halloween behind me, it was time to move forward.
I have blogged and posted multiple times about finding the right time to tell me best male friend about my life. He has known me for over 10 years, but has never really known me. I knew, deep inside, that he would be ok with this, but what if he were not to be? Some say, “If they cease to be your friend, then they never really were.” I didn’t see it that way. If I were to lose him as my friend, it would be devastating.
NOVEMBER 5, 2011:
I almost told my friend about my life this past Thursday, but he had to work late, so no dice. I had enjoyed the First Thursday Arts Walk and wanted to go for a drink. Since he was unavailable, I went home.
I had plans to attend the final performance of RENT at the Muncie Civic Theater on the 5th. I was to go alone, which was to be a first for me. One, seeing a play at Civic and, two, going to such a prolonged and confined area alone. Knowing nobody. What does one wear to a play??
I chose simple over glamorous.
As it turned out, simple was fine, but glamorous was very prevalent as well. I got my ticket (front row, center balcony) and headed up to sit down. The balcony was full but my seat was perfect! I was in the midst of a group of people who were friends, so they busily chatted with each other while leaving me alone.
The play was amazing! I only discovered RENT because it was part of a group of PSP movies that the other author of this blog gave me. From my first viewing, I was hooked and have since watched it a ridiculous amount of times, crying through each sitting. Civic and it’s actors nailed it!! They sounded as amazing as the Broadway and Film casts sounded. They had me to the point of tears right when they should, but I didn’t cry. I couldn’t….it would ruin my makeup.
Angel is my favorite character and the actor that portrayed her, did so beyond perfection.
The play started late and ran till 11:00. I knew that my friend was working till 11:30 but thought I would text and see what was up. Work had just gotten out. It was time.
After a lengthy text-a-palooza, I told him I need to tell/show him something. I wondered if it was best all at once or to be told then shown. He didn’t care. My hands were shaking so much that I nearly dropped my phone several times. With some more banter out of the way, I told him how important this was that he knew and how scared I was of his reaction. We agreed to meet for a drink.
Without saying where, we ended up at the same spot (THAT’S how good of friends we were). As soon as he pulled up beside me, he got a HUGE smile on his face that made me feel that everything would be just fine. I got out of the car and there I stood, confronting him with everything. My skinny jeans and heeled boots finishing up the look of the simple sweater and tank. “This is me.” His first comment was, “I thought something was up for a while.” I don’t think he was prepared for my next comment. “This is going to become permanent. I am going to transition from male to female.”
His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. “Really? The whole way?” “Yes, the entire way.” “Wow……” His ‘wow’ was followed up by a huge smile and a sincere, “This is ok.”
He asked if I wanted to go in for a drink, so we did. I wasn’t 100% passable at that point in the evening, I don’t think. My makeup had been on since 5:00 and my skin is an oil field after about 3 hours… but I didn’t care. We sat down, my customary seat across from his, when he told me I could sit in the next seat over, if I wanted. That was cool, so I moved over. The next question out of his mouth was hilarious. “So, you still like RUSH?” “Of course I do!” The things I like and enjoy now will remain, but some new pleasures are sure to creep in. “So…..you’ll be……a lesbian?” “Well, yeah. I still find women to be the attraction, but I will have at least one encounter after transitioning, because I will want to know. THAT could change a lot, or not at all.”
For two and a half hours we sat and talked about everything, as if nothing were different, which was nice. Nothing should be different, I will just look different from how I was. Otherwise, it’s all the same.
I held off crying until I was driving home. Then the floodgates opened and I had Niagra Falls flowing from my eyes. Tears of joy. Tears of regret, for not saying anything before now.
This led to a week of coming out to a bunch of friends, all who have been fantastic. Nothing negative yet, though I know there will be a point where negativity is what I will get. I’m ready for that.
The following Wednesday, I met up with my friend Chris’ wife for breakfast at Panera. Pumpkin Spice Chai and a Cinnamon Crunch Bagel. Mmmmmmm. After sitting down, we immediately began talking about me, the transformation and then everything else we could think of. About 3 hours later, we had to break it up and go our separate ways.
This past Friday, I met up with Jeff and Chris (the next friend I told) to have lunch. I met them at work to give them both a ride. As soon as Chris got in the car, he gave me a big hug. That was such an important action, he has no clue. We had a great lunch and enjoyed conversations as we always have, with a little twist here and there as to my current situation. Couldn’t have been better.
During lunch I had received a call from Target (whom I now work for, seasonally, as a boy). I had accidentally hung up on them so decided to trek out there after I dropped the fellas back off at work.
I was dressed casually nice. Knee length plaid skirt, black hose, heels, and a sweater. I entered the store to buy some things we needed and decided I should go check the schedule for the next week. I had to walk past the HR office, so I peeked in to see if she was working….she was. I knocked and entered and had a brief discussion with her about my plans, should this turn into a permanent position. She looked at me, smiled, and said, “It won’t affect us at all.” I told her why I decided to be up front now rather than wait. in case I am offered a position, I thought they should know. She thanked me and again assured me it was not anything to be concerned about. They welcome the diversity of their employees. Seems they had wanted me to come in for a cashier shift, but since I hadn’t answered, they went down the list. I also told them that I live my life outside the store as Jenn, now, and getting called in, depending on how quickly they needed me, would result as Jenn working….Again, they didn’t care. I was amazed!!
I continue to come out to friends and am just so thankful that I chose some really amazing people to be friends with. I also has a great trek to IKEA in the mix here. My first time. AMAZING!!
So we are pretty much up to speed now. Life is good. Friends are great. I’m still here. I love you all!!!!!